Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Anger or Rage?
Justified anger or unadulterated bipolar rage? Not sure some understand what a stigma it creates when someone says something like" hes is really lucky I did not go bipolar on him". I am not sure but I am not so flip about my anger and when I am I need to make sure it is not rage. There is a difference between anger and rage. I do not know about anyone else but 'going bipolar " is not a choice for me. It is not a conscious decision I make. Flipping out is not fun and I do not take it lightly. Mind you there are times that somethings I I do when that happens can be laughed at after I get through it. For example, taking the staff at the hospital for a ride. But to say I was bipolar when I go off gives the disease too much power over me and minimizes my responsibility in my actions. Rage or anger I am still responsible for my actions on a daily basis. I need to have humility in my life and be able to laugh in the right places. I also really need to be careful what kind of message I am sending. If I do not want to be treated with a stigma then I should not act like I should be treated with a stigma! Please let me know your thought.
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I know when I say "So and so is really lucky I didn't go bipolar on him" I'm being completely honest. You're right, it isn't a choice... not when the littlest of things can set you off. I really feel bad after I've gone "bipolar on someone." It's struggle to hold back some of the more intense feelings, like wanting to punch someone in the face so badly that you can taste it... Still, you gotta hold yourself back, and when what's done is done apologize.
ReplyDeleteThough, I wish other people would understand how hard it is sometimes. I freak out, I'm so sorry I freak out sometimes and I do try to fight it, but it's hard. Don't hold it against me when I'm having a bad day and not wanting to talk, don't hold it against me when I'm already frustrated as hell over something stupid and I snap, or when I start crying over something that may make you go "the hell..."
Everyone is responsible for their own actions, myself included. I'm not going to lie when I say it's hard... I'm not giving it power when I say it's hard and when I tell people to give me a break sometimes... I'm being completely honest with myself and my control.
I aggree with you completely. I was talking more of those who make light of the disease. Thank you for sharing. I can't tell if I have upset you. I think we are saying the same thing in different ways. Being honest is different than being flippant.
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