Gratitude

Gratitude for a mental disorder? Really?  For those of you that do not know what a co-occurring disorder is- typically speaking a co-occurring disorder is two disorders that run congruently in one person.  It usually pertains to substance and a mental illness.  For instance I am a recovering alcoholic and I am also bipolar.  My interest has always been human nature.  Probably because I have always felt different.  Alcoholism, drug addiction and mental illness run deep in my family.  I used to say that "I suffer" from now I say "I live with" bipolar and alcoholism.  Today I am a grateful to be a recovering bipolar alcoholic.  It's the old saying "when life gives you lemons you make lemonade."  Today I have a lemonade store!  I only relate to and understand people who have struggled in their lives with something.  People who skate through life, in my opinion, are either pretentious or boring or assholes or pretentious boring assholes.  I like the rough, fucked up people who have had a tough time.  Them I can get down with.  Them I can understand.  I hope I do not offend anyone here.  I am a firm believer that one can not really appreciate life like unless you have been at the face of something so insurmountably, excruciatingly painful that when you look up and it is over you are truly grateful.  I have had such experiences and continue to have them as bipolar takes me to those depths fast and furious even if I do nothing more than open my eyes.  Nothing needs to be happening in my life for me not to be OK.  All I need o do is breathe to not be OK.  Unfortunately or fortunately (as I like to say) because my brain works differently that is the way I am.  Today I am OK with that.  Here is the way I see it (mind you it has taken a long time to get this way) I ACE'd it (Accept it, Change it or Eliminate it).  I can't change it or eliminate it so I have learned to accept it and embrace it.  We all have a journey.  People who are bipolar have a special journey.  We are an amazing group of people with extraordinary talents.  Tapping into that energy and figuring out what to do with those amazingly high highs and channeling that energy just so is the hard part.  Through medication management and working with the Dr.'s and therapists to understand myself to the point where I can make a difference in my life today is how I live my life.  I do not want to be a victim in my life but I also understand enough to know I am not always in control of me.  It is a delicate balance and one that I have a healthy fear of.  FEAR (Face Everything And Recover).  So I get to live with gratitude today of what my life would be like without bipolar and alcoholism.  I KNOW I would definitely be one of the boring pretentious assholes!