The exact moment in time that things go awry is what I am trying to figure out.  In the past when I drank I figured out eventually that I could not get drunk if I did not drink.  It took about 15 years to figure that one out but I got it!  Where things go wrong in my brain is a little harder to pinpoint.  My adventures with Bipolar has taken me to places I would rather not admit to.  I am not talking about depression or mania specifically- well mania but the results of.  Sexual escapades, spending fiascoes, and other fucked up twisted situations I can not explain.  I keep trying to put up fail safes so I do not end up ion the messes that we do.  I have done everything from give my checkbook to a friend to ask the banker to protect my money from me.  The fact is that I can not protect me from me.  To stop drinking I stopped hanging out in bars and I got new friends and stopped buying liquor.  That was simple (HA) enough! (insert sarcasm here) My friends try to (God love them) to tell me to just make different choices, stop the behavior or calm down or what ever else they think helps.  My response is simply- change the chemicals in my body and remove my brain and I will be just fine.  They can not in any possible manner understand what I am talking about.  So I began my journey a few years ago to figure out the EXACT moment in time things go wrong.  I can say today I believe I am like a dog chasing my tail.  I keep ending up in the middle thinking I am at the beginning.  I have begun to outsmart myself. LMFAO!  The fail safes I have put up stopped working.  I have learned enough of my behaviors that I learned to counter most of them or at least become extremely good a rationalizing so I either believe my own bullshit or have others believing it!  Genius or stupidity I am not sure.  Fun is what I think it has become.  I learned a long time ago that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.  I say its got NOTHING on Bipolar Disorder!  Don't get me wrong I love myself today and appreciate the things and people in my life however I think that both alcoholism and Bipolar Disorder have me down for the count sometimes!  I can not see myself  EVER giving up on trying to figure out the exact moment in time thing switch over in my brain!  Please share with us your experience I wan to hear from others the things you go through in helping to figure out your own puzzle!!!!