acceptance

Acceptance is a process.  It is a process I thought I was finished with.  I thought I was OK being bipolar however I know know that I am OK with being manic.  I do not like the touchy feely part of this disorder.  Being manic I am not aware of my feelings.  It's like not quite having your feet on the ground.  When I am not nice I struggle with feelings and trying to decipher if they are true or over the top.  Feelings make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and that is like my feet doing skids on the ground without shoes on.  Sparks fly from the friction.  Acceptance has come in pieces and I am now working on the acceptance of the reality of feelings.  It is also like a grieving process. Grieving the person you are when you are manic.  Trying not to intellectualize this and process for what it is is difficult.  I am still trying to fit it into a box and I know there is no box.  Then it just becomes frantically looking for a place to put it and never finding one.